[AQ] Not alone (Ai/Yasuko)

[Ai]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Fear Of Heart
+ Description: You're scared beyond all reason. Enemies and danger are lurking around every corner. In all honesty you're not sure what to do. You don't even know how to become your ‘would be self’. So what do you do with these woes and emotions?
+ Talk to a friend, they might be able to help: +2 Guardians, +1 Faberge, -2 Roost
+ Don't think about it, keep on going anyways: -2 Guardians, +1 Faberge, +2 Roost
+ Talk to your Guardian Character about it: +2 Guardians, -1 Faberge, +1 Roost
+ Stress over it even more by doing nothing: -1 Guardians, -3 Faberge, +1 Roost
+ Requirements: None
+ Submitted by Teale

It was late in the afternoon when Ai was freed from his duties at Faberge. They weren't anything mandatory, per se, but music practice occupied one of the highest places on his scale of priorities. It was his dream, after all, the one thing he both enjoyed and did his best to pursue as a career. As it wasn't easy to accomplish without complete dedication, Ai worked hard towards his goal every day. Most of the time, it proved to be an effective distraction from his daily life, from his studies, or whatever things he was trying to ignore, but sometimes...

Sometimes it just didn't work that way.

Music is something heavily influenced by emotions. For Ai, if he played music with a happy heart, that would enhance his happiness. However, if his heart was heavy and his mind burdened with worries, music would do nothing more that further depress him. Today was one of those days...

Thinking back on everything that's happened with x-eggs, hunters, all the information he gained, all the risks he knew he would eventually have to face, it was a lot to take in to say the least.But adding to that, Ji-Yoo turned X and that only enhanced his doubts of ever being able to protect those close to him. His words hadn't been able to break through her walls, his honest heart never reached her, so the boy was forced to take her down by brute force, and that hurt him deep inside. Even after everything was said and done, she didn't seem to be entirely ok.

Feeling a bit worn out both by his feelings and the practice that for once never seemed to end, Ai laid down on the grass, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Nobody seemed to be around for now, so it was quiet, almost too quiet.SO quiet that his thoughts gradually became louder, swallowing the silence and paving the way for other negative thoughts.

What should he do at times like these? Sing a happy song maybe? But he didn't feel like doing happy today. He just... opened his mouth and the words came on their own:

I
Never knew it could be so cold
But I burnt all the things I used to hold so dear
Still I fight 
With my pen in my hand held tight 
Writing protest songs tonight
'Cause I'm still here

Boarded up all the doors
And I swallowed all the keys
I'm still haunted by
All the things I'll never be

Yasuko Kobayashi

[Yasuko Kobayashi]

Yasuko had been slowly returning to her usual routine. Or at least, she was getting better at being punctual to school and Faberge sessions, and she had been coming back to the dorm earlier compared to the late returns of the past few days. The initial shock had gradually worn off, and the knot of emotions she had felt had begun to ebb away. But it had been replaced by a sense of emptiness, a feeling of apathy, as she mechanically went through her school schedules and Faberge sessions without much of thought into them. After crying all of her emotions out repeatedly, all she simply felt now was just an empty well.

Empty. Was this how Miuna felt now? She didn't know. She hadn't seen her since the incident.

Despite having no reason to stay away from the dorms, she had ended up doing so in the end, slowly putting her things away as the rest of the first-years excitedly chatted and exited the classroom. None of them knew what was happening. Blissfully unaware of all the terrible incidents that was occurring all around them right now.

How she wished she could be back in that time.

It was easier that way.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and pulled open the sliding door. She didn't know how she was feeling, but the familiar emptiness was there. Perhaps it was a better state right now, rather than crying all over someone else. She sighed. Turning her head out to the windows, she could see the dormitory building from where she was. Her lips drew into a thin line.

She didn't feel like going back there yet either.

She turned, letting her feet just...walk. She had no idea where she was going; there was no destination in mind; only that she simply didn't want to see the dormitories. Or anywhere near school for that matter. And so she walked, her mind blink, her feelings empty, out of the campus grounds and out into the town. The longer she walked towards town, the more she heard the hustle and bustle of the people around her. Like they all live in a world far beyond from her; a normal life, one without the interference of eggs and X-eggs and everything other god knows what.

And they all felt far away.

She sighed again. This was even worse.

But a song reached her ears. And she stopped, looking up with a bit of a surprised look on her face. Something about that voice seemed familiar...but more than that, it was the feelings in the song. A sadness, a melancholy, a...she didn't know what it was, but something about it had managed to weave past all of the chatter of normalcy and reach her. Perhaps it was because she was barely feeling anything. Perhaps it was because it reminded her of all of how she felt in the past few days. But her feet had begun to move before she had even realised it, and she walked slowly, towards the direction of the voice.

Her feet had taken her to the entrance of the park, but she didn't stop, only moving into it. Her shoes squelched against the grass, her ears straining to hear the voice, as she followed it towards whomever that sang it. Who was the singer? What made them sing a song like that? What was she going to do when she found them? She didn't know. She didn't know what she was going to do. All she did was move on instinct.

But she stopped as soon as she noticed the white hair. It was so familiar...

"Ai...?"

[Ai]

Ai decided that living was a very exhausting thing. He should have realized it sooner, but he rarely got enough time to himself, to truly think about it. Being left alone was scary in the sense that it could bring the worst in him. His deepest, most nihilistic thoughts. No matter how much he tried to avoid it, how he selfishly sought company in order to keep himself grounded, something deep inside was urging him to retreat and indulge in his negative feelings... in order to either come to terms with them or let them eat him alive.

Even if he tried to put his thoughts in order, Ai didn't know where to start. There were just so many things to be considered that it was easy to get overwhelmed. The only conclusion Ai could get to was that he may not be strong enough to deal with everything, not on his own. He couldn't protect others if they didn't want to be protected, if they fought against him. His heart would just break into one million pieces all over again. How many times could he suck it up and go on? How many times will this have to happen... for his fears to finally consume him whole?

If only someone could give him all the answers he was seeking. All he did so far was just... ask people. Ask his mentors, hoping to find a solution for everything but in some aspects, even the more experienced ones were clueless. Not only that but... they'd already given up hope of resolving the egg hunter issue once and for all. Perhaps he wasn't thinking realistically, perhaps none of them could get to the roots and cut them off. The most they could do, as bearers, would be to keep the breakers at bay for as long as possible. That was what the mentors seemed to be trying to do, or rather, to advise the students to do.

Even with those thoughts, his melancholic song went on. The world around him seemed to hae cut to a still as the silver-haired didn't even hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching. What did snap him out of his trance-like state, was a soft call of his name. The boy drew in a sharp breath as he opened his eyes. He'd been too careless, laying here, all vulnerable. Pulling himself into a sitting position, Ai glanced at the one who had called him. He knew her, of course: one of his precious band members. With all that had been going on recently, Ai forgot to check up on her. He was... pretty sure he hadn't seen her around for the longest time. That was the mistake he'd made with Ji-Yoo... forgetting to lend a hand where he was truly needed... and look where that got him.


"Hey, it's Yasuko." Ai smiled briefly, a small smile that bore a trace of sadness. "Have you been alright? It's... been a while since I've last seen you." 

[Yasuko Kobayashi]

Yasuko blinked as she watched Ai pull himself into a sitting position, staring at him wordlessly. Though they didn't see each other much, it was strange to see him like this, lying down on the grass with his eyes closed. Not hearing her footsteps walking through the grass. And singing a song with such a sombre tone. Though their meetings were brief, she had never taken him to be somebody that could have such a sad look on his face.

And so she was caught off-guard.

She stared at him, unsure of what to say - until she realised that he had actually asked her a question. "Oh um--" she began, but even then she had no answers to give. Was she okay? Was feeling apathy, feeling empty, a state of 'okay'? She didn't really know. "I--" she started once more, except she didn't know what words to use, so she simply closed her mouth shut and turned her head slightly so that she was staring at the ground instead. At the green blades of grass down on the earth. She pursed her lips a little, giving a small sigh.

There was a moment of silence.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. She stared down at the grass on the ground, her eyebrows furrowed. She wasn't really sure what she was doing here. She had simply ended up following the song, and had chanced upon Ai. But this was an Ai that she hadn't seen before, and all she had done was just stare at him like a deer in the headlights. Unsure of how to respond.

She paused.

There was something she should have asked first.

"How about you?" she asked, finally turning her head towards him. The song sounded so sad. Why was he singing one like that? "Are you...okay?" she continued hesitantly, looking at him with an expression of mild concern.

[Ai]

Ai was definitely not that kind of person. But lately, something in him had changed. Perhaps it was the streak of unfortunate events revolving around him that made him seek solitude, which was generally unlike him. Thinking back at the time when his family was facing difficulties, roughly 2 years ago, he'd felt the same. But eventually, he got back up on his feet, out of necessity more than anything. This time too, it'll probably go that way. Ai wasn't the type to let negative feelings linger inside his heart for too long... or at least, so he tried to believe. The truth was, they'd bottled up inside him for long. It was just a matter of time until they completely swallowed him. No matter how much he tried to brush it off or deny it, it was a fact.

However, seeing Yasuko snapped him out of his vulnerable state. Especially when he was around others, the boy tended to put up a strong front. Because he wan'ted to be the kind of person whom people relied on, not the other way around. He wanted to be liked, he wanted to have a lot of friends, but that went hand in hand with not giving them trouble. Perhaps he was being fake, or even a hypocrite, but this was the more comfortable outcome. There were a few people who knew about his insecurities, but it wasn't like he'd announce them to the world. The way he was now... happy, and surrounded by people, even if it was just an illusion of trust and friendship, it was okay.

The way Yasuko looked and talked didn't give Ai much confidence that she was alright. Perhaps she too got mixed up in this unfortunate egg business. She had a guardian after all so... it wasn't completely impossible. "Hmmm, I guess I'm the same? More or less" Perhaps a more honest answer than he intended. Ai patted a spot of grass beside him. "Even though it's already autumn, it's still pretty warm. Do you want a seat?" He offered, a smile on his face. He was debating whether to go ahead and ask Yasuko what was on her mind, but if she agreed to hang out with him for a little more, he'd get to it eventually.

[Yasuko Kobayashi]

His answer surprised her a little.

Yasuko looked back at him with a look of surprise before her eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Oh." What was she surprised about? She wasn't really sure. Perhaps it was because Ai always seemed like such a capable person to her. Perhaps it was because she had rarely seen him troubled. Or perhaps she was more surprised at the honesty in his answer. Watching his hand pat the patch of grass, she stared at the spot for a moment, before she slowly walked over and sat down, drawing her knees up to her chest.

She rested her chin on her kneecaps, staring at the scenery ahead, yet it was clear that her eyes weren't focus on the blue sky or the green grassy landscape, or even the children and the parents happily playing with each other. She didn't say anything for a while, her arms wrapped around her drawn up knees, staring at nothing.

What was she doing here?

She looked at him for a moment, her mouth opening as if to say something but suddenly she closed it instead, looking away once more. Even though she was the one who had asked the question, now she wasn't sure if she was the one that Ai could pour his heart out to. It was always the other way around. She wasn't sure if she was qualified even to listen.

Yet at the same time, there was a nagging tugging feeling at the her chest. As if she was a little worried.

Worried about him or herself?

Or perhaps both?

"Um-" she began, but she suddenly clamped her mouth shut and she shook her head. Shaking at the introduction she was using. "It's just--" She stopped. Sigh, that wasn't it either. Why was it so difficult to find the right words to start with? She sighed once more and stayed silent for a good while. "I guess...the whole thing..." She paused, her eyebrows furrowed, as if she wasn't sure how to continue. "How...do you feel about it?"